The text described the mother-daughter relationship where during the "teen rebellion" phase, the bond decrease substantially and then increase dramatically when the daughter becomes engaged, married, or a mother. This concept was relevant to me because I found that there were communication conflicts between mother-daughter for me from the teenage year up to when I became engaged. However, I wonder if this experience would have been different for a teenager in another country who at an early age learns how to do house chores, to cooking, and to do crafts from their mother during the teenage phase (extra bonding period).
Interestingly, a person's engagement/marriage also can produce a relationship change. If the parents accepted the dating partner, the engagement increased closeness; if no, there was a decrease in closeness. For me, the relationship with my parents did not change. However, the relationship with my in-laws changed dramatically, 360 degrees, and within minutes of finding out about the engagement. The concept of different effects on relationships (in families) as results of turning points was very relevant for me.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Chapter 13: To fight or not to fight
Intrapsychic conflict occurs when a person experiences internal conflict without expressing disagreements with others. Since it is an internal conflict, it is not considered an interpersonal conflict. "For instance, the decision to break up with someone can entail a lot of ambivalence and intrapsychic conflict." This concept is relevant to me because I feel that I have many intrapsychic conflicts, and I try to keep them internal to prevent them from becoming interpersonal conflicts. I find that leaving conflicts at the intrapsychic level helps to keep things in perspective (advantage: not yet a blow-up and you have options to explore). Being ambivalent (definition: uncertainty about approach, simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings) helps until I can find the most effective way to deal with the conflict.
I have now learned so many different conflict styles (5) and conflict strategies/tactics (4) to choose from. Style: competing, accomodating, collaborating (the best style that I can apply to my conflicts) (high concern for others and self; assertive, cooperative), withdrawing/avoiding, and compromising. Strategies/tactics: negotiation, nonconfrontation, direct fighting, and indirect fighting. According to the text, these choices (if considered as such) are made "in a split second in a state of emotional upset." I agree that recognizing that we have these choices allows us to accept responsibilities for our behaviors and allows us ways to change these conflict behaviors so that we have more positive outcomes for ourselves and others.
I have now learned so many different conflict styles (5) and conflict strategies/tactics (4) to choose from. Style: competing, accomodating, collaborating (the best style that I can apply to my conflicts) (high concern for others and self; assertive, cooperative), withdrawing/avoiding, and compromising. Strategies/tactics: negotiation, nonconfrontation, direct fighting, and indirect fighting. According to the text, these choices (if considered as such) are made "in a split second in a state of emotional upset." I agree that recognizing that we have these choices allows us to accept responsibilities for our behaviors and allows us ways to change these conflict behaviors so that we have more positive outcomes for ourselves and others.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Web Lec 5: Culture and Conflict
Within individualistic and collectivistic cultures, there are self-construals that better determine what conflict style a person will use, despite ethnicity or sex. In other words, their unique person will determine what they will do, and their actions are not pre-determined by what culture they are in. Independent self-construal person views oneself separate or unique from others. Interdependent self-construal person seeks a bond or fitting in with others. Those individuals who have high levels of independence and interdependence self-construals at the same time are considered biconstrual - unique and intertwined with others. Ambivalent self-construal persons have low levels of inde- and inter- dependence at the same time.
I find it interesting and applicable that there could be a combination of independent and interdependent self-construals. I don't know if there is a terminology for high inde- and low inter- dependence. For me, I feel that I am in between two selves...one that wants to be unique from others and one that wants to fit in with others. In a conflict at work, I would want to be the strong person to defend myself fearlessly, but on the other hand, I have the need to be a team player and not to stir the pot too much. I feel this is when primary goal (fight for oneself) and secondary goal (protect job security) comes into play. We need to pick our battle sometimes, despite our self-construals. We may want to think outside of our culture, ethnicity, and sex sometimes...but corporate culture sometimes has bureaucracy, favortism, job security issues, and etc. that we need to think of. Many a times interpersonal and organizational communications go hand in hand. For this reason, I find that our work and interpersonal worlds are becoming more complex and intertwined...and on this topic, I say to keep the worlds as separate as possible...don't be friends with co-workers, watch over yourself...friends (who are also co-workers) can become enemies inevitably and in due course.
I find it interesting and applicable that there could be a combination of independent and interdependent self-construals. I don't know if there is a terminology for high inde- and low inter- dependence. For me, I feel that I am in between two selves...one that wants to be unique from others and one that wants to fit in with others. In a conflict at work, I would want to be the strong person to defend myself fearlessly, but on the other hand, I have the need to be a team player and not to stir the pot too much. I feel this is when primary goal (fight for oneself) and secondary goal (protect job security) comes into play. We need to pick our battle sometimes, despite our self-construals. We may want to think outside of our culture, ethnicity, and sex sometimes...but corporate culture sometimes has bureaucracy, favortism, job security issues, and etc. that we need to think of. Many a times interpersonal and organizational communications go hand in hand. For this reason, I find that our work and interpersonal worlds are becoming more complex and intertwined...and on this topic, I say to keep the worlds as separate as possible...don't be friends with co-workers, watch over yourself...friends (who are also co-workers) can become enemies inevitably and in due course.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Chapter 12: Persuasion
Marwell and Schmitt (psychologists mentioned in the text) discussed the five types of verbal messages individuals use for persuading other people. When a person tries to influence another person by providing rewards, benefits, or praise for changing a behavior or opinion, this is called reward power. Coercive power is when a person uses punishments. Referent power is when person B identifies with and perceives similarity to person A. In expert power, person B believes that person A has special knowledge. If you comply/do not comply, you will be rewarded/punished because of the "nature of things." When person B is obligated to comply based on the perception that person A has the legitimate right to request, this is called legitimate power.
In reviewing the 16 statements of Table 12.4, I find that the positive approach (i.e. self-feeling positive and altercating positive) is more likely to get a positive outcome than if the negative is used (i.e. self-feeling negative and altercating negative). Especially when it comes to rebellious teenagers and pre-teens, I feel being positive exudes respect, equality, and positive encouragement. I have tried to tell my sister that if she does not focus on her study that she will not be accepted into a good college. Instead, I should have said that if she studies hard, she will get into a good college. I can also see using the negative approach if the positive fails. Bisanz and Rule state that negative tactics involve coercive power and emotional appeals, including force, threats, and lies. Furthermore, the positive approach does not generate negative feelings and would not create conflict that can escalate. I believe I have learned more on how to avoid conflicts from Table 12.4.
In reviewing the 16 statements of Table 12.4, I find that the positive approach (i.e. self-feeling positive and altercating positive) is more likely to get a positive outcome than if the negative is used (i.e. self-feeling negative and altercating negative). Especially when it comes to rebellious teenagers and pre-teens, I feel being positive exudes respect, equality, and positive encouragement. I have tried to tell my sister that if she does not focus on her study that she will not be accepted into a good college. Instead, I should have said that if she studies hard, she will get into a good college. I can also see using the negative approach if the positive fails. Bisanz and Rule state that negative tactics involve coercive power and emotional appeals, including force, threats, and lies. Furthermore, the positive approach does not generate negative feelings and would not create conflict that can escalate. I believe I have learned more on how to avoid conflicts from Table 12.4.
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